Are you settling in your relationship? 5 signs that show you are and how you can fix it.
Updated: Mar 6
Are you in your relationship for love? Or is it just convenience? Sometimes it may seem obvious, but other times we can convince ourselves that it is right, when it actually isn’t. Often we are blind to the problems or at times we can confuse pity with love. Working out which relationship is good, which is not worth keeping and which is the one isn’t as straightforward as the Hallmark Christmas movies would have us think. Here are 5 tips to help you consider if your relationship is solid or if you are settling in your relationship.
1. Time is of the essence.
If you are worried about settling down, marrying or having children by a certain age then you may be more susceptible to settling with someone, just so that you can be with someone. As Robbie said in the What is Love tale – Christie and Robbie “love is not something that can be put in a spreadsheet or have a game plan for. I believe in soul-mates, wait long enough and they will turn up. Don’t worry about settling down by a certain age, I got married when I was thirty-nine and I have had the best love story.” It’s a time-old tale that people that up marrying through fear of being alone end up in the divorce courts, try to stay away from that pothole.
2. Being Lonely.
Being afraid to be alone or feeling that you need to be in a relationship because you want someone, anyone can lead to us settling. Watch for those feelings and don’t confuse the want of having somebody to the want of having he one.
3. Not willing to commit.
If your partner is talking about moving in together or marriage and you’re not feeling the same, maybe that’s a sign it’s not right. As Catherine said in the What is Love tale – Catherine and Paul, “We just knew, we moved in with one another after six weeks, with my previous boyfriend I had told him that I wouldn’t move in with someone until I had known them for three years. That was obviously an excuse, I know that now.” Avoiding someone may not be obvious, you may be telling yourself, I’m not ready, I’m too young, I don’t want to share my home with someone, I’m too busy with my studies/work right now; this may be the case, but when it is right, people put everything aside and jump right in.
4. No one is perfect, but their flaws have to ones that you can live with.
None of us are perfect let’s face facts. We may think we are, but we all have something that annoys other people, often we don’t discover these frustrating features until we go on a weeklong vacation or live together for a short while. If you see someone’s flaws and acknowledge that you can live with the worst of them, then there’s a pretty chance it is a worthwhile relationship and that you are not settling. As Sean said, in the What is Love Tale - Julie and Sean, “Acceptance of one another is key. Loving someone despite their faults and being honest, knowing you can trust each other, takes all the anxiety out.”
5. Not loving or valuing yourself.
We hear this time and time again in our love tales, from couples giving the advice that we should love ourselves and respect ourselves above all else. How do we expect others to love and respect us when we don’t do that for ourselves? A low self-esteem will not help, work on you and do not work on finding a relationship until you love yourself fully and without condition. After all, the most complicated and important relationship we have in life s with ourselves.