“Dating now can be so artificial, we have relationships characterized by social media and shows like Love Island. It creates a false concept of finding someone that you can be happy with.”
Emily and Rosey live together in Brentwood, England. Emily is a doctor, specialising in mental health and Rosey is a school teacher. They have been together for a year and are engaged; they are to be married next May. As with many relationships these days, they met online via a dating app.
I couldn’t wait to speak to Emily and Rosey about what makes a successful relationship and see what love means to them.
Emily was actually the first person that Rosey had matched with on the app. They had arranged to go out on a date, but a few days before they were due to met up, Emily ‘ghosted’ her. Rosey attended London Pride that week to meet up with a friend, her friend then left the group to go and meet Emily, who was also at Pride. The next day Rosey was talking to her friend on the telephone when she realised that they had both been talking to the same Emily on the dating app; thankfully her friend and Emily never hit it off. Emily said “I had some making up to do. I pulled out all the stops for that first date, I found a specialist vegetarian restaurant and luckily Rosey agreed to go.”
The date went well, so well in fact, that it lasted almost twenty-four hours. After that, they wanted to see each other as much as possible and so just three months later, they moved in together. Rosey recalls asking her dad if it was a good idea, “my dad said, well it either works out and you have gained something wonderful or it doesn’t and you have to move out, which you will have to do at some point anyway as its a short term rental.” Their relationship survived the building of IKEA flat-pack furniture and they later acquired a cat named Gary.
A couple of months later, at Christmas time, Rosey had arranged to see her parents one weekend as they were going away for Christmas. Rosey recalled, “I remember Emily really freaking out as she had booked for us to go away that same weekend. I thought something was up.” It turned out that Emily had planned to propose that weekend, so fortunately Rosey did go. As they arrived at a beautiful hotel, Rosey was busy taking photos and looking around the room when she turned to see Emily on her knee. Emily said, “I was shaking, I was so nervous, she said yes and we both cried.”
For Rosey the decision to marry was an easy one, she said, “I had just come out of a long term relationship and I wasn’t looking for anything serious but very quickly I realised that I couldn’t let her go.” Emily knew that Rosey was one day after an incident with her mum. Emily explained, “It wasn’t long after we had begun dating and I called Rosey on my way to work to say that my mum had collapsed. I was devastated but had to begin a night shift in an East London hospital working in paediatrics, when all I wanted to do was be with my mum. When I finished my shift that morning Rosey was there waiting for me, she then came with me to see my mum. That is when I knew she was the one for me. She made me feel safe and secure, that she would carry the load with me and that she really cared.”
Emmaleen: Can you tell us a loving story from your relationship?
Rosey: “The first time we told each other that we loved one another. I had gone to Spain on holiday with my family, it was my birthday and so I asked Emily to send me a voice message singing to me. I had expected to hear ‘happy birthday to you’ instead, she sang “All of me” by John Legend. I replied to say if this you’re way of saying that you love me?’ To which she replied that she had wanted to tell me for a while. I didn’t want to tell her over the phone so instead I sent a text message saying I love you in Hebrew (My family are Jewish). Later we decided to have 'love' in Hebrew tattooed on us both.”
What is the key to a happy relationship?
Emily: “Communication and love yourself first. Love someone with all your heart.”
Rosey: “You should always stand on your own two feet and let someone be there with you, not letting them become the other leg. Communication is massive. Honesty is key; if you can’t talk about what is upsetting you how you can expect the relationship to survive?”
What is Love?
Emily: “It is a way of life. If you approach people with a grounding of love, you won’t go wrong. As a general philosophy if you love, people respond well and are more open to receive love as well.”
Rosey: “We were both raised in families with loving parents who are happily married and so we had strong role models. It taught me that love is someone that you want to share your life with. It’s the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about when you go to sleep. Marriage is hard but I know that Em is the person that I want to be with. It doesn’t mean that we won’t have problems, it just means that we will work through them together.”
So what is their advice to anyone looking for love?
Rosey: “Don’t look, sometimes one door opens as another one closes and if you are looking, you might miss it or you might not find the right thing. When you are happy, things will happen. Dating now can be so artificial, we have relationships characterised by social media and shows like Love Island. It creates a false concept of finding someone that you can be happy with. Let things be and then they will show up.”
Emily: “Don’t close yourself off to approaching something that you may have seen on the horizon. I think dating is good as the experiences make you a better person. Don’t let those bad dates jade you and remember to have your own sense of self.”
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