What is Love? Holly and Ravi

"It is fully accepting the other person and their flaws, being able to be honest with one another. I told things to Ravi, in the beginning, thinking he would run away, once you are connected, these things do not matter. Accept who you are.”

Holly and Ravi live together in Los Angeles with their two children; they have been together since 2009 and married since New Year’s Eve of 2011.

They met in a bar at a networking event, Ravi recalled, “it was pretty much love from the first date.” Although their first date nearly didn’t happen. Holly said, “He was late picking me up, and so I called him, he was at the restaurant waiting for me. I thought he was picking me up, lucky I called as we may never have gotten together. We would have both thought that the other had stood us up.”

I couldn’t wait to speak to Holly about what makes a successful relationship and see what love means to them.

Eighteen months after dating they became engaged, Holly described, “We were at home, I was sweeping, I turned around, and there he was on one knee.” After, they went to the Malibu Lake Shrine garden to celebrate. Ravi had chosen that day to celebrate as Holly’s parents were in town to visit, and so they all celebrated together afterward.

They were married on New Year’s Eve in 2011, on Holly’s parents’ 45th wedding anniversary. When asked how Ravi knew that Holly was the one for him, he replied, “We got along so well, she stood out from the others. We loved each other so much.” Holly continued. “Early on, even when we were quiet, it was comfortable and peaceful. We can just sit there in silence, and it is okay. He was so sweet and such a genuine guy. Ravi was born and raised in Los Angeles but has Indian roots, Indian people can look at you so deeply, he looks into my soul. It was love from the first date.”

Emmaleen: Can you tell us a loving story from your relationship?

Holly: “Going through adoption together, we adopted two siblings from Brazil last year, one being fourteen at the time and the other four. The middle two siblings were adopted to a couple in Washington, DC. It is challenging at times, but we stay focused together, it has strengthened us as a couple and bonded us as a family.”

What is the key to a happy relationship?

Ravi: “Checking in every day; we often talk at lunchtime to discuss all that is going on, texting is not the same. We go through our plan together and see what is going on in each others’ lives. Also, make sure to take at least one vacation together every year.”

Holly: “I am more of a leader, and Ravi likes to follow, I saw this with other couples. Before I was dating other men who wanted to be leaders and so it wouldn’t work. So I looked at relationships that were successful with women who were like me, and I saw that they had supportive husbands. Type A with Type A is not going to work. I wrote down a list of all the things I wanted in a partner, and Ravi checked off all of them.”

What is Love?

Holly: “It is fully accepting the other person and their flaws, being able to be honest with one another. I told things to Ravi in the beginning thinking he would run away, once you are connected, these things do not matter. Accept who you are. I don’t feel like I am putting on a front around Ravi; we get along.”

Ravi: “Love is finding all the magical moments from each day. Love is just looking at your partner and just knowing as if you can see their soul. Love is accepting the positive and negative, too - Love is patience. Love is a journey going through the best and worst times together.”

So what is their advice to anyone looking for love?

Holly: “Stop judging! On the third date, I realized he fit in my life. Previously I was too busy being picky, seeing if someone ticked off my list, and not giving them a chance. Ravi happened to be everything on my list, but I wasn’t going down the list when we were out together, I was just taking in who he was. Fully loving yourself and being happy with who you are - is also important, then a relationship isn’t needed to satisfy you. If the relationship works, it works; if it doesn’t, it is fine.”

Ravi: “Try and talk with your potential partner a lot. We never texted at the beginning of our relationship, we called. Face to face meetings and telephone conversations are the best way to get to know someone.”

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