• Emmaleen Muldoon

When it comes to love, should we follow our heart or our head?




When the time comes to get married or when considering what we want from a future partner, we may ask ourselves, do we listen to our heart or our head? Many people I know have some kind of checklist for all the qualities that they feel is important for their partner. While others may broadly state that they would like to marry another lawyer like themselves, or be with someone who has a good income to help support their future family and then go about searching or assessing partners on their ability to meet their head’s needs.


While this tick list approach may seem a sensible way to concentrate the mind on what we think we need, it doesn’t take into account our feelings. Choosing to be with someone who is sensible may be considering all the right reasons, but they can end up becoming all the wrong reasons.


Is it sustainable to spend a life with someone who you think is right, but who you don’t feel intensely about? Probably not, it is that emotion that keeps us together; if it is felt by both people of course. Being aware of unrequited love is a necessary step when considering, when to listen to your heart.


There is a need for balance, the heart alone may be feeling lust and those feelings can fade with time and you can wind up with someone that you have nothing in common with. I think compatibility cannot be overlooked, but that the heart must be followed. If you can achieve that combination, hold on to it. It will grow. If our hearts are nourished, our minds will flourish. This reminds me of a quote from the film Jerry Maguire, in the film Jerry's mentor Dickey Fox, who throughout the film gave Jerry much invaluable advice says: “If THIS (heart) is empty, T-H-I-S (head) doesn’t matter!” as he points emphatically to his heart and then his head. You can see a clip of this here.


There are so many couples that feel there is a void where emotion should be in their relationship and it can lead to feelings of neglect, resentment and eventually the breakdown of their relationship. As Agron says in my interview with him and his wife Besa, “Follow your heart, believe only in your heart.”